What did we do last night that was yellow?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
