You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
