If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the day after is always just damage control
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
