I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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