You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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