I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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