I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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