haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The power of my boobs compel you
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
