I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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