this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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