I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just found puke in my bra..
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
