Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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