Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
