can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
