he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
