fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
