somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
