i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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