If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
