all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
