This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
