On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
