first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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