you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
