Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
