if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
