playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize