Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
