i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I intend to get homeless drunk
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
