Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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