My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
