I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize