is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
