Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
