Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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