Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
