Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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