You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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