accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
