My hand turned me down
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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