I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
