ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
