I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
