Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
