As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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