I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
