I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
