I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
