I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
