If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
