Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
