Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
