i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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