Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
