I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
