By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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