Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As shirtless as possible
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
