Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
