do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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