There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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