what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
