My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
