last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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