Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We got so high we made milksteak
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
