He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
