Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
