How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
