I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
