if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
