you have to choose: penises or morals?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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