I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
