the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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