nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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