I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A+ Viking dick
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
