whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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